well its official. its been exactly one year since brandon died.  thinking back to a year ago, that feels like just yesterday brings back so many horrible memories. i remember most of all that i had never felt pain that strong. i remember i was so sad that my body physically hurt. god, i think that was the damn worst day of my life.. but then i think of all the good memories that we had and i cant help but smile. i loved that friend of mine more then anything since we were one years old. i mean, hell, he was even my first engagement at three. unfortunitly the marriage fell apart when i lost the toy ring and he said he didnt want to marry a girl who was going to loose his engagement ring. luckily, we were able to stay friends after that. i think about how we would fight like brother and sister but how we loved each other like family. its so funny how when you loose someone too, how you can remember details that you usually wouldnt remember. like, i remember the last time i saw him, he was getting out of my car wearing his marines sweatshirt and said "i love you lou." and the song pumped up kicks was just ending. holy smokes, its crazy how i remember that. but then again, how could i forgot.  i miss him more then anything in the world.


lauren ashley